Today, Yosemite Sam cancelled his NRA membership, citing America’s senseless gun violence, politics, and a need to disassociate himself from the terrible acting of Charleston Heston in the movie The Ten Commandments, as the reasons.

        “Truth be told, they was about to cancel my membership anyways due to non-payment,” Yosemite says.   “Times are tough and dagnabbit, I’ve got better things to spend my money on instead of a highfalutin organization that actively fights against sensible gun control.  From now on I’m going to spend my money on practical stuff like, roller coaster rides, anger management classes, undistilled moonshine, moustache waxes, and the thrill of hookers, my height, who are also too short to get on roller coaster rides.”

         In the interim, Yosemite researched and tried to come up with a suitable replacement for his arsenal of pistols.

         “I considered a number of different weapons to deal with varmints including a tank, a rocket launcher, and various anvils loaded with explosives.  But before I got a chance to get it on, so to speak, with my weapons, I was served with a Cease and Desist letter from a certain Coyote who will go unmentioned.”

                 Yosemite has since chosen a rather large machete as his weapon of choice.

        “This big knife is a lot quieter than my guns, and I never have to reload.  Downside is…  it’s a bit bulky.  It drags the ground when I walk, and it’s a lot harder to sneak it through the TSA airport security people than my old musket and UZI.  But I still got the best of both worlds,” Yosemite says.  “My machete provides me with protection against the various rascals out here.   And with it I can still exercise my right to bear arms.  And here’s a bonus;  everytime I say machete, I get the sensation of Danny Trejo searching for his keys in my pants pockets.”