Melvin Denton, 42, has very expressive stomach growls, and a WormHole Square linguist has recorded some outtakes of famous speeches emanating from his gut.

                     “I believe his stomach growls are a combination of several obscure languages, including Silbo Gomero, Pawnee, and South Baltimorean,” says, linguist, Oscar Pascal.   Pascal adjusts his headset, continues.  “Yesterday, I recorded and translated a Patrick Henry quote from 1775.  In the quote, Henry says “Give me liberty or give me death.”   The little known outtake from that quote goes on to say,  “Actually… about that death thing… what I meant to say was not, “give me death“, but, like – give me a verbal warning first, or a jaywalking citation, or if push comes to shove, make me give Benjamin Franklin a lap dance… again… while he tries to get his kite up.”

                    Mr. Pascal jots down some notes, details, continues.  “So, here’s a translation of an outtake from a Franklin D. Roosevelt speech from 1933.   “So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is… fear itself.”    And then the stomach growl translated outtake.  “So, there’s fear to fear… and let us not forget these murder hornets, Covid-19, and the vision of Donald Trump, giving hair styling tips, while wearing a see- through wet suit.”  

           Pascal shudders at the thought, continues.  He adjusts the attenuator on the recording equipment.   Mr Denton’s belly growls, loud, then faint, but in stereo.  “Sounds like Lincoln’s Gettysburg address coming through now,”  Pascal says.   “Four score and seven years ago…”   Pascal squints, moves in for better sound.  “Oh then Lincoln goes on about a game of darts in which he was cheated by a carpetbagger.  And then on about how it’s really hard to get a good suit in his size and then something about how excited he is about “scoring tickets to the Fords theatre.” 

                       The session then comes to an abrupt halt when, what was thought to be the next great stomach growling sounds of historic significance, actually turns out to be a burrito-fueled dispatch of flatus wind with equally historic impact in it’s own right, fills the room.