Yesterday, an emotional support dog named Franko, failed to show empathy or concern for his owner, Doug, who was depressed because Doug’s girlfriend, Susan, had recently passed on.

              “I’m sorry, but I can’t support this guy just because the love of his life, a six foot three, latex-free blowup doll, has suddenly deflated due to a precipitous drop in the barometric pressure.   That combined with the fact that we live a mile above sea level and him wearing a Dungeons and Dragons fetish costume during love making could only lead to this predictably disastrous end.  So, no, I have no empathy for him.”

            Apparently the blowup doll met her demise during the jousting contest.

            “She was no good for him anyway,” said Franko.   “She was fickle and would often laugh at Doug’s jokes with overzealous mirth only because she wanted something from him like, money… or carbon dioxide.”

                 Multiple attempts to repair Susan had failed, including duct tape, vulcanized rubber patches, and Flex Seal, which is excellent for repairing holes in the bottom of boats, but not Susan.  And it made her break out in a vicious rash.

               “This situation has become untenable,” said Franko.  ” Thus I will be moving on to see other people who have mutiple psychological disorders including depression, PTSD, and… excessive sports betting,” said Franko.

                 Susan was retired, recycled into a set of moped tires.  Doug rides the moped to and from work three days a week.