Last week, Dr. Victor Frankenstein, mad scientist, corpse reanimator, and suspected Hair Club For Men client, had the electric power to his lab shut off, while he was in the middle of a very important experiment.

              “I wanted to see what would happen if I stuck my tongue in the wall socket, while holding a copper tea kettle,” Dr. Frankenstein says.  “Well, I tried it and… nothing.  Then I realized the electric company had just cut off the power to my castle due to non-payment.

                Dr. Frankenstein walks a few careful steps through his laboratory carrying a lantern, continues.   “Oh, I was also working on trying to bring a dead guy back to life with remains I acquired from the graveyard and also from the IKEA outlet up the road.  That experiment also failed miserably when the electric current to the cadaver was interrupted, and also because I haven’t upgraded to 5G technology yet.”

           Although Dr. Frankenstein considers his last experiment a failure, he was, however, able to reanimate the cadaver to some degree.

          “His left eye and left, ring finger show some intermittent life, but the rest of him is as dead as disco,” Dr. Frankenstein says.  “After a week, he started smelling so bad, that the neighbors were outside my castle with torches and pitchforks demanding that I take him back to the graveyard.   And also because I still hadn’t taken down my Christmas decorations from two years ago.”

         Dr. Frankenstein weaves his way around to his creation, continues.  “I didn’t have the heart to take him back.  So, I’ve been injecting him with bleach, Febreze, and I lit a honeysuckle jasmine scented candle and stuck it up his ass to control the stench.  It helped, and I even noticed his left, middle finger showed signs of life after the candle procedure.”

               Dr. Frankenstein claims that he paid his electric bill months ago.  He blames bureaucratic red tape, el Nino, and the Wall Street inverted yield curve, as the reason why the electric company has yet to restore power to his castle.  For now, Dr. Frankenstein plans to continue his experiments with what ever means of electric power he can muster.

              “I’m rubbing my socks across the carpet and calling my X-wife three times a day to produce the static I need to power the generator,” says Dr. Frankenstein.  “I’ve also employed a hamster running on a wheel who’s jacked up on triple espresso and Red Bull to supply even more juice.  Im not giving up on this guy,” Dr. Frankenstin insists.  “He’s not showing much brain activity so far.  Probably a Trump supporter-don’t know.  And I still don’t know if sticking one’s tongue inside a wall socket, while holding a copper tea kettle would cause any type of chemical or physical reaction.  At this point, my pre-experiment hypothesis is that inserting my penis in same, said socket, which is on my to-do list, would yield a similar inconclusive result.”