Last night,  Gloria Mills, 24, a cashier at the WormHole Square MundoMart, was traumatized and sent into coma, after a customer wrote and presented a personal check in her line.

                 “She had never seen a check before,” says store manager, Yolanda Price.  “It must have been horrible for her,” Price adds.  “Gloria, the cashier, has heard the horror stories of how checks were processed back in the old days.  The delays.  The ID requirements.  Checks mangled and mutilated when validated through the registers.  The carnage.  My God!”   Ms. Price shudders momentarily, continues.

                   “I processed a check several years ago myself.  Horrible.  Customer only had 1 valid form of ID and a sad, sad, song to sing.  Held up the line for days.  People starved.  People missed high school graduations.  People went without insulin.   It was truly horrific.  So, yesterday, when Gloria saw that check… well,  it must have been like seeing a UFO, Bigfoot, or a second term Donald Trump wearing yoga pants!”

                Ms. Mills had to be hospitalized for what doctors are calling a catatonic coma-like state.

                   “Ms. Mills has experienced a very traumatic event,” said doctor Sylvia Dean.  “She is suffering from PTSD, dry eye syndrome and severe exposure to anachronism.”

             Again, manager, Yolanda Price.  “Historically, we’ve had the occasional customer check out with an odd form of payment.  Once we had a guy pay for a set of 4 snow tires, $575, with nothing but pennies… covered in syrup and Playboy Magazines shredded into confetti.   I’ve seen it all.   A pirate paying for a canoe and a bag of grapes with an EBT card loaded with doubloons.  But, nothing like this.”

                     The woman who presented the check was arrested on the scene and charged with first degree assault and reckless endangerment.  To make matters worse, before she was taken into custody, the suspect allegedly demanded to call her attorney and insisted on using the nearest phone booth.