Last week, after contracting Covid, it was revealed that Green Bay Packers star quarterback, Aaron Rodgers, had lied before the season about his Covid vaccination status, prompting a deluge of criticism.
“I didn’t lie… nor did I mislead anyone,” Rodgers said. He went on. “In response to being asked by reporters if I was vaccinated, I simply responded with a string of hair splitting words that were tantamount to the complete, fucking opposite of the truth. So much so, that it even elicited an enthusiastic thumbs up from Pinocchio, who was in the back of the room at the time, a benefactor of season tickets courtesy of the Green Bay Woodworkers Union.”
Rodgers said that he had been taking his own regiment of homeopathic supplements to boost his immune system against Covid 19.
“Yeah, I’ve been taking zinc, vitamin C, Ivermectin, a horse dewormer not approved by the FDA to treat Covid 19, and lots and lots of greens… which includes kale, green beans, Soylent Green, and green eggs and ham,” Rodgers said. He continued. “Yeah, I ultimately did contract Covid, but I’m one hundred percent sure I don’t have any worms… mainly because I didn’t have worms to begin with.”
Rodgers went on to say that he had consulted a top notch medical team of advisers that included, Bones McCoy, comedian, Joe Rogan, and one of the old, cranky guys from the balcony of the Muppet Show.
And as to how he has been criticized for breaking NFL protocol by attending press conferences unmasked, while not vaccinated, Rodgers incorrectly cited MLK. Rodgers compared MLK’s legacy of being jailed, beaten, and ultimately assassinated while fighting for civil rights for millions of oppressed people, to his own self-described draconian plight of having to wear a mask in a press conference to protect the health of fellow human beings.
“The rule doesn’t make sense to me,” Rodgers said. “That’s why I ingest pills that kill worms in the belly of horses.”
We wish Aaron Rodgers a full and speedy recovery from Covid… and the brain fog that sometimes precedes it.
