Yesterday, a zombie named Kent, finally received his GED after his fifteenth attempt at passing the test.

                  “I… I iiiiAaaaaghhg  ahhhhghghh soooo aaaghghhapppy,” said Kent, through an interpreter, who was also a zombie, and equally as intelligible.

                         Prior till now, Kent has spent the last several years wandering the land aimlessly as most zombies do.

                       “Yeah, I felt like I was wasting my time,”  Kent said through another interpreter, Charles Barkley.  “There were things I wanted to do like…  perform  Shakespeare in the park… and perform Shakespeare on a schooner, with the aromatic scent of Davey Jones’ gym socks percolating from his locker as a backdrop.  It got to the point where I really couldn’t remember who I was, or what I was about before the zombie apocalypse.  Didn’t know if I went to college or what.  Didn’t know shit ever since the part of my brain that would know such things, was eaten away by advanced decay, and aggressive, zombie brain fog.  I just felt empty, bumbling around eating people, grunting at the sound of the wind.  And sometimes… I would waste a whole day trapped inside the revolving door in the foyer of an abandoned Sears department store, or some such pointless bullshit like that.”

                  Kent says, he now feels somewhat whole again with his newly acquired GED credentials.   Although, he readily admits that he didn’t actually take the GED test and pass.

              “So… I found these blank GED certificates while I was eating a human foot in the dumpster behind WormHole Square High School,” Kent said.   “That’s how I earned my credits.  So… I guess that makes me a fraud.  Fuck it.  That part about how I took the test fifteen times was just dramatic, empathy-bait bullshit.   Yo, I’m a zombie.  I can’t read, write, and I definitely don’t know the difference between an abacus and an abscess…. of which, I’m told, I have many.”