Three days ago on the south side of WormHole Square, a velociraptor disguised as the Monopoly Man, attacked a groundhog, mere seconds after the groundhog came out of his burrow… on GroundHog’s Day.

                  “It’s an annual tradition,” said Phil Livingston, director of the Groundhog’s Day festivities.  He went on.  “Basically, we’re not sure what it means when a velociraptor disguised as the monopoly man, runs up and rips the ground hog into two unsightly, yet surprisingly symmetrical body parts.  The closest thing we’ve ever had to this was back in 1999 when a Prince impersonator tried to strangle the groundhog with a high E guitar string.  The good news was that the unconscious groundhog did not see his shadow and the Cherry Blossoms bloomed super early that year.  But this situation is unprecedented.”

                  Indeed, Mr. Livingston had to confer with the National GroundHog’s Day GrandMaster Director for an official interpretation of their peculiar circumstances.  After some calculations based on advanced meteorology, and divining rod readings by a vetenarian shaman who specialises in fractal penumbra interpretation, the only prediction that could be reached, was that the castaways on Gilligan’s Island would never get off the island due to incessant high tides.   Mr. Livingston then consulted a copy of The Farmer’s Almanac written in Latin, dating back to the 7th century.

                  “It was really hard to read that book, because it was in such an old language and because it had a lot of mustard stains on it,” Livingston said.  He continued.  “But the hardest thing to overcome was paying all of the overdue library late fees.  Once we did that we had the task of breaking down the book by separating it by weather forecasts, tuna casserole recipes, and Mel Brooks movie reveiws.  Luckily,  Amir, one of our interns, speaks several languages, including, Latin, Sanskrit, and up scale Hillbilly.  So with Amir’s translation we were finally able to come up with a better prediction based on the Groundhog Day velociraptor attack.”

                The GroundHog’s Day predictions were whittled down to several possible scenarios.   1.) Six more weeks of winter  2.)  Early spring  3.)  Locust plague with rain and hail that’s shaped like cabbage, but smells like old pennies.    4.)  Endless winter, constant snow with snowflakes made of cardboard confetti from God’s overfilled recycling bin.

          Happy Groundhog’s Day!