Samuel Yoder, a 67 year old Amish man, was attacked by a velociraptor, disguised as the Monopoly Man, early Saturday morning.

               “I was outback building a shed when a gentleman, with a moustache and wearing a top hat, approached me-inquiring about erecting a red hotel on my Pennsylvania property,” Mr. Yoder said.

               That’s when the velociraptor reportedly attacked Mr. Yoder, ripping into his flesh and almost severing both of his arms and legs.  After the attack, the velociraptor ran off into nearby woods.  Mr. Yoder, barely alive, immediately called out for help.

               “Well, I didn’t immediately call out for help,” Mr. Yoder, was quick to say.  “The first thing I did after the attack was to get up and finish building that there shed I had been working on.   Then I fixed a wagon wheel, permed my beard, and then I painted a barn.  Then I called out for help.”

               Soon after, three of his Amish brothers responded to the scene, and the four men, collectively, proceeded to build an entire church, two coffee tables and a birdhouse.   The medical attention Mr. Yoder subsequently received consisted of the natural remedy of sprinkling apple pie crust into his wounds and adjusting the suspenders on his overalls to maximum height.

                    A $200 reward has been offered for any information leading to the capture of the velociraptor, who authorities say fits the description of a velociraptor that attacked a 78 year old grandmother, this time last year.  Not sure if the $200 reward would be in form of currency, canned goods, or will be left open to straight bartering after passing GO.