Superman was admitted to the WormHole Square Hopkins Medical Center, for what doctors are calling Ferric Oxide, or, rust related ailments.

    “He is The Man of Steel, after all, and even steel will rust and break down over time,” says Dr. Wendy Patel, Chief of Medicine.  “We currently have him on an intravenous drip of Rust-oleum and WD-40 to prevent further deterioration and spread of the Fe203 Oxide, or rusting process.”  Dr, Patel refers to her medical chart, continues. “MRIs show advanced corrosion in both left and right shoulders, right elbows, left hip, both knees, and moderate progression of rust affecting the function of major organs, as well.”

  Superman looking dejected, gives a thumbs-up as he is ushered away on a gurney for more tests.  Again, Dr. Patel.  “Superman was also recently exposed to a high level of kryptonite and was suffering from anemia, gout, and erectile dysfunction, when he was first admitted.  We have him on iron pills for the anemia and corticosteroids for the gout.  He’s been watching videos of Lex Luther, riding a stationary bike, in a bee custom, to correct the erectile disfunction.  Strangely, it seems to be working.”

      Dr. Patel flips her chart, continues.  “Our course of action includes joint replacement and transplant surgery, where necessary, with stainless steel parts, which will not rust over time.  The biggest risk with these transplants, of course, is rejection, as most of these parts are imported from China.  On a minor note, the S on Superman’s chest seems to have lost its serif.   We are in consultation with a calligrapher to address that issue.”