Last week, we’ve covered the first part of a tragic episode where Nick Ninja was given away by the sound of his maintenance keys, an instant before his was to assassinate crime boss, Mr. Dingle. We pick up the episode where Mrs. Peterson, who hired Nick, has walked in on the two men, with her pet lemur on her shoulder. What follows is the actual transcript of the tragic ending.
OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT
MRS. PETERSON: ( to Dingle ) Ahaaaaa, there you are! I thought you’d be sliced up like a bologna sandwich by now. ( to Ninja ) Why is he not sliced up like a bologna sandwich by now?
NINJA: Sorry, but he pulled his pistol on me before I could-
MRS. PETERSON: Excuses, excuses. I expect a full refund of that down payment I gave you.
NINJA: Okay, sure, that’s fair. Do you have change for a twenty?
DINGLE: Change for a twenty? Change for a twenty?? How much was the hit?!
NINJA: Twenty-two bucks.
DINGLE: Twenty-two bucks? What?! I’m a highly sought after crime personality and I only command an open market price on my head of twenty-two bucks? That doesn’t make any sense.
MRS. PETERSON: It makes perfect sense. I’m on a fix income. And besides… you haven’t been relevant in the crime world for over forty years.
DINGLE: Oh yeah, says who?
MRS. PETERSON: Says the last major drug deal you pulled off, which was on the parking lot at Guns N Roses concert in 1987.
DINGLE: Okay… it’s been awhile.
NINJA: 1987? I wasn’t even born yet.
DINGLE: Shut up, Ninja! You’re one to talk. Prancing around in the shadows with them keys sounding like a parking meter was having a seizure.
MRS. PETERSON: He’s right, I could hear you outside on the fire escape… and on the elevator… and in lobby…
NINJA: Okay, I’m sorry, but I’m on call, alright? I could get an emergency maintenance request at any-
MRS. PETERSON: How about you emergency request return my fucking twenty dollars for a job not completed?
NINJA: Okay, can I cash app that to you?
DINGLE: Cash app… what’s cash app?
MRS. PETERSON: Shut… up… both of you! You almost made me forget why I came in here.
DINGLE: Okay.
NINJA: What’s the matter?
MRS. PETERSON: Because of you two idiots, Lincoln Jefferson has suffered a psychologic setback and now he is in a complete state of catatonia.
NINJA: Who is Lincoln Jefferson?
DINGLE: And where the fuck is catatonia? Sounds like some shit on the west coast. Am I right?
MRS. PETERSON: Idiots! Lincoln Jefferson is my beloved pet lemur.
DINGLE: Oh, you mean that thing on you shoulder?
NINJA: Yes, that’s what she means.
MRS. PETERSON: Insensitive, blind bastards! How could Lincoln Jefferson not be the first thing you noticed when I walked in here?
NINJA: ( looking away ) I don’t know. What about you Dingle?
DINGLE: ( thinks ) Mmmmm, it was probably because I was distracted by them big-ass titties sitting in that there wheelbarrow.
MRS. PETERSON: ( appalled ) Pig!
DINGLE: What I say?
NINJA: But how is Lincoln Jefferson’s catatonic state our fault, Mrs. Peterson?
MRS. PETERSON: He heard you two nitwits in here earlier, talking about the future… and time machines…
DINGLE: And…?
MRS. PETERSON: And that made him think about the movie Back To The Future.
NINJA: Yeah… and…?
MRS. PETERSON: And he’s aways struggled with whether has was… a Delorean in a past life or not.
DINGLE: Was he?
MRS. PETERSON: How the hell would I know that?!
DINGLE: Could have been on his papers when you go him from the pet store.
MRS: PETERSON: Anyway…. the reminder has sent him over the edge once again.
It was at this point that Lincoln Jefferson reportedly fell from its perch and unto the floor. Dead. Mrs. Peterson attempted CPR on the lemur, but to no avail. And then the Ninja had remembered that amongst his massive chain of keys, happened to be an old Dolorean car key. Well… he carefully inserted the key into the lemurs butt, turned it to the right and…
Yup, still dead.