FAKE LEATHER CHAIR:  You can never…

OLIVER: What’s going on?

FAKE LEATHER CHAIR:  You fell asleep, Oliver, shirtless. Meanwhile, I shut down your air conditioning system.  And now your skin is as sticky as maple syrup combined with Krazy Glue, and… and….and…

OLIVER:  And a Post It note?

FAKE LEATHER CHAIR:  I wouldn’t really call a Post It note sticky.  They’re slightly tacky and designed to be removed, if needed.  The combination of 95 degrees, summer sweat, humidity, and fake leather material, has rendered your body inert.

OLIVER: What are you saying exactly?

FAKE LEATHER CHAIR:  The combination of 95 degrees, “sweet summer sweat”, humidity, and fake leather material, has rendered –

OLIVER:  I know all that!  What do you mean by it?!

FAKE LEATHER CHAIR:  Think of the lyrics to the Eagles’ song Hotel California.

OLIVER:  I’m “on a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair?”

FAKE LEATHER CHAIR:  No, the other part.

OLIVER:  “Mirrors on the ceiling, the pink champagne on ice?”

FAKE LEATHER CHAIR:  No, the part near the end on the song, you idiot.

OLIVER:  “Some dance to remember, some dance to forget?”

FAKE LEATHER CHAIR:  No, no, no, no, no, NO!  You can never leave.  You can never leave!  How are you not getting this?!

OLIVER:  So does this mean no champagne on ice?

 

THEND