Hershel Lomax, 66, was found dead yesterday in the produce section of a WormHole Square grocery store.

       “Apparently, he was attempting to open one of our plastic produce bags, so he could put some tomatoes in it,” said, store manager, Karen Bates.  “And he was standing there sooooooo long trying to open the bag – but he couldn’t – that he just died and the tomatoes grew up, around and over him.”

      Authorities have no idea how long Mr. Lomax may have been dead, or why no one noticed him before yesterday.  Again, manager Bates. “I thought he was part of the tomatoes display… until I noticed this weird, corpse-like odor emanating from him.  Even then, I really didn’t pay much attention to it, because the store pretty much smells like that most of the time anyway.”

             These little plastic produce bags can be very difficult to open if the right technique is not used. Once again, manager Bates. “Most customers lick their fingers to separate the plastic bags.  Some customers wiggle their fingers back and forth and blow down into the bag when an opening of a crease appears.  Still, others pray to the petroleum gods from which the plastic bags are made.”

          When none of these options are successful, most customers simply give up out of frustration, choosing to carry their fruits or vegetables by hand or going without them all together.

      According to preliminary reports, Mr Lomax had a condition known as xerostomia, or dry mouth, so he was unable to produce enough saliva to lick his fingers, and thus he had no way to open the practically, hermetically sealed bag.  Once again, store manager, Karen Bates.  “He was very determined to open that bag and put his tomatoes in it.  I mean – who could blame him.  That Tomatoes On the Vine Sale was one hell of a deal!  Unfortunately, his frugalness, determination, lack of spit, and zero dexterity cost him his life.”