Yesterday, the Lost Dryer Sock was spotted Zorbing (rolling inside a giant plastic ball) down Mount Olympus.
“I was just chilling on the Mount, eating a grilled cheese sandwich, when I saw the sock that I had lost centuries ago,” says a guy who claims to be Boreas, God of the North Winds. “The little dude was rolling down the Mount inside a giant plastic bubble. I was quite concerned, because the last time I saw something like that was when my great, great, great, great, grandfather was inside a plastic tent after he had OD’d off of cilantro. He was also suffering from Tuberculosis at the time, which made the doctor’s decision to roll him down a hill, inside that plastic tent, somewhat controversial.” Boreas takes a bite of his grilled cheese sandwich, continues. “However, the treatment worked. Unfortunately, the old man suffered some serious side affects, which included, vertigo, and always, always, always choosing paper over plastic when given the choice at the grocery store.”
According to other eyewitnesses at the scene, the Zorb ball rolled down to the bottom of Mount Olympus, where it ran a stop sign. It then jaywalked across the intersection and proceeded to plow over several patrons who where attending an outdoor Baklava tasting event.
“After that, the Zorb ball bounced onto a picket fence and popped like a ballon,” says Boreas. “And then… The Lost Dryer Sock disappeared… poof… into the wind. And I know all about wind, because I am the God of the North Wind. Not to mention, I’ve been a big Earth Wind and Fire fan for centuries. Even before Poseidon had two oceans under his belt.”
No one on the scene could verify whether or not Boreas was really the God of the North Wind. However, the remnants of his grilled cheese sandwich settling into his digestive system and then adding to the atmosphere, was a mighty strong indicator that he just might be legit. He just might be.
A warrant for the arrest of the Lost Dryer Sock has since been issued. He has been described as a calf-high, grey, cotton-knit blend dress sock, who can switch to active wear at a moments notice.