John Faison, a troll who lives under the Wormhole Street Bridge, was cited yesterday for multiple violations of the City’s housing code.

       “I found no lids on his trashcans, overgrown grass sprawling all over the property, and an unregistered tire swing on a Weeping Willow tree,” said, Melvin Davenport, the officer who issued the citations.  He went on.  “These code violations are a public nuisance.  They create a breeding ground for rats, varmints, and hillbillies of all sorts!”

  Officer Davenport flips to a second page in his citation book, continues.  “I also issued a citation because Mr. Faison has not reported any bridge toll collections in months!”  Officer Davenport points through the under bridge opening.  “These are the violations I saw upon first inspection,” he said. “When I went to the rear of the property, down by the stream, I also found an old, rusted-out canoe and twenty-three of Flavor Flav’s old clocks.”

Officer Davenport draws his attention down to the bottom of the next citation, continues.  “In addition, I also found the skeletal remains of three billy goats, Billy Graham Sr., and three cast members of the Beverly Hillbillies.”