LITTLE FRIEND
TONY: Say heylooo to my little-
A small BOX TURTLE peaks his head out from behind a box. This is ELSNORE.
ELSNORE: Hello, everyone, my name is –
GUN FIRE is heard outside the door.
ELSNORE: Okaaay, what is happening here?!
TONY: Don’tchu worry about nothin’ man. No prolens.
ELSNORE: Are you sure, Tony? It sounds like at least 99 problems on the other side of that door.
TONY: Yeah, maybe 99 cockaaroaches! But I take care of theen. They don’t know who dey fuckin’ wit’!
ELSNORE: Yeah, I think they do know. They’ve been specifically calling you out by your name for several minutes now.
TONY: Okay, maybe, but when they fuck wit me, they fuckin’ wit de bes!
ELSNORE: Yeah, I don’t think so.
TONY: Whatchu talkin’ bout, mainnn?!
ELSNORE: Tony, I’m your little friend and I love you but…
TONY: But wha?
ELSNORE: If you’re talking about being a drug lord and running a successful, sustainable, multi-million dollar empire, then no. No, you’re not the best.
TONY: That’s hurtful. That’s reelly hurtful. And I disaglee, becuus I an de best.
ELSNORE: Okay, maybe if you’re talking about getting high on your own supply of coke. Yes, you are the best at that. No argument here.
TONY: No that.
ELSNORE: Yes, that. And if you talking about portraying a Cuban drug lord with an over the top caricaturistic Spanish accent, then yes, you are the best at that.
TONY: Oh my godddddd, sonn frien chu are, mainn.
ELSNORE: I’m just keeping it real, Tony.
TONY: I showchu real!
Tony aims his bazooka and blows the bedroom door to smithereens.
ELSNORE: See, that’s what I’m talking about.
TONY: Wha?
ELSNORE: Why blow the door open, when you could have simply opened it like a normal human being?
TONY: I’m making a point, Elsnore! I’m Tony-fucking- Monta-
ELSNORE: Let me stop you there. You’re more like Tony the Tiger… but you’re not “great” at that either.
TONY: I’ll showchu who’s great!
Tony walks out of the room through the blown out door way. From the hallway we hear….
TONY: Fuckchu cockaaaroaches!!!
GUNFIRE. A Pause and then Tony plunges into the water fountain below
SPLASH!
THEND