The Grinch, who infamously tried and failed to stop Christmas from coming, is now battling his own similar, personal issue.

               “According to his very own theme song, the Grinch is suffering from “a heart full of unwashed socks” and that may be contributing to his premature ejaculation problem,” says Dr. Daniel Crawford.   “The song goes on to say that the Grinch’s soul is “full of gunk”, which may also be part of the problem.”

                    The Grinch disagrees with Dr. Crawford’s assessment.

              “All my life I’ve been trying to stop events from coming; including Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and the third Matrix movie,” says The Grinch.  “You name it, I was trying to stop it from coming, with absolutely zero success.  I think psychologically, the inability to stop things somehow transferred into my subconscious mind.   And now here I am tapping out… before I even get into the ring.”

                     The Grinch has tried, without success, a variety of treatment options.

                 “There is one more treatment option available to the Grinch that he hasn’t tried,” says Dr. Crawford.  “It is designed to slow down, control and delay any type of stimulus action, but it is somewhat controversial.   It includes the Grinch being under hypnosis while he watches a sloth make love to a turtle on the floor of the United States Senate.”