A genie named, Justin, was evicted from his lamp yesterday over a longtime rent dispute with his landlord.

                     “It’s more than just a rent dispute,” says Justin, from the sidewalk.  “That lamp has a lot of issues that the landlord refused to address.  Like the kitchen faucet dripped constantly, and it was really hard to concentrate when I was studying for my real estate license.   It was always cold inside the lamp during the winter.  And it was like a fucking sauna in that lamp in the summer, because there was no air conditioning, no windows, and my hot tub only had one setting.”

              Justin spits on the sidewalk, continues.  “All I got from the landlord were excuses, like the lamp is too small to fit an air conditioning unit in there.   That’s bullshit!  If I could fit a hot tub, full-sized futon, love seat, and an IKEA dining room table in there, why couldn’t he install an AC unit?!”

            Among Justin’s other complaints include pests, like roaches.  “When I was in the lamp these roaches were relatively the size of small horses.  If I didn’t get back home before 9pm, they would take over my bed, which is one of those Sleep Number beds.  They liked to set it on 95, which is too firm for a Genie, so I was forced to sleep on the floor, which was sloped, so it killed my back and has ruined my posture.   Also, sometimes I found dead roaches floating in the hot tub, which was bothersome because it was really, really hard to focus on studying for my real estate license when the place smelled like vermin stew.    The only upside was that the roach’s antennas provided excellent reception for my bootleg cable service.”

                 Aside from good cable service, Justin can find nothing else about living in the lamp that was beneficial.

            “Every time somebody rubbed the lamp, the place would fill up with smoke, which would set off the sprinklers.   My carpet would get wet and smell like mildew for weeks, until I dried it out with kerosene and a match… which, would set off the sprinklers… and here we go again.”

                 With the mounting issues getting worse, here is what Justin says brought to situation to a head.

         “And not only was my shag carpet ruined, but my magic carpet got wet as well, and wouldn’t fly anymore.   I took it to the shop for an estimate.   2,500 bucks for a new vertical stabilizer and nylon hover thrusters.  Landlord refused to pay for it.  He said my renters insurance should cover it.  But, I couldn’t get renter’s insurance because the lamp is considered a mobile domicile with no fix address.  When I got back home, the landlord had changed the locks and my shit had been put out on the sidewalk.”

                The landlord asserts that he had fulfilled the Warranty of Habitability in this case.  Justin disagrees.

         “Nonsense!  I’ve studied twenty-five percent of my real estate license review book, and this is nothing short of redlining, gentrification, and the landlord throwing lamp shade in disguise.”