A large fly landed on Vice President Pence’s head during last Wednesday’s Vice Presidential debate and that fly has since been identified.

             “Yo, I honestly thought I had landed in some tall, white grass in Baltimore City,” says the fly, who goes by the name Omar. “I think I misread the exit sign back on the Turnpike.  The whole thing was just a big misunderstanding.”

            And that would be a reasonable explanation for the  mistake, because flies do not have very good eyesight.   Normal human vision is 20/20.  But flies only have 20/1200 vision.

           “Makes watching cable TV nearly impossible,” Omar says.  “Can’t count the times I thought I was binge watching something like… Game Of Thrones, only to realize after six hours, that I had been watching the toaster oven slow cook zucchini and a used unicycle seat cushion.  Wondered why the house smelled like dragons and stagnant moat water.  The whole thing was like a medieval Mr. Magoo nightmare.”

        And to make matters worse, flies have compound eyes, made up of thousands of visual receptors (eyes) called ommatidia.

              “So… I tried contact lenses for a time,” says Omar.  He shakes his head at the thought.  “But can you imagine how long it took me to change out ten thousand contacts every single day?  It was also very expensive and my lenses would fog up from the steam every time I landed on a pile of horse shit.  I also considered laser eye surgery, but was warned that ten thousand laser beams pointed at my eyes would, most likely, melt my entire face, body, soul, and ultimately, kill my buzz.”

         Omar now wears specially designed kilofocal eyeglasses to help him navigate through air space when he flies.  Even so, he still occasionally lands in unintended places, as he did last Wednesday.  Omar was detained after the debate by Secret Service Agents, who demanded answers for his breach of the debate stage.

            “I tried to explain to them Secret Agents dudes that the whole thing was just a big misunderstanding, but they were not trying to hear that,” Omar says.  “They threatened me with all kinds of things, including a fly swatter, fly paper, and a Mississippi front porch, hanging, glowing, fly zapper thing.”  Omar shudders at the thought, continues.  “Finally, I told them I was simply looking for a quick meal at Jack In The Box.  I’m partial to expired food, not fresh, but not rancid either.  Took a wrong turn.  Ended up here.   End of story.”  Omar frowns, continues.  “I’m not a big fan of poop, you understand?  Most flies like it, I don’t.  Too much fat, gluten, and E. coli for me.   I will indulge in the occasional dead bird or dead rat.  I’ll even chow down in an all-you can-eat dumpster, if I’m out with friends or if I’m on a date and I’m trying to impress.  But absolutely, positively, under no circumstances will I  indulge in any of Donald Trump’s word salads.”

              Omar was last seen flying into a screen door inside the Vatican.