A children’s birthday party turned tragic yesterday when Javier Jones, a 47 year old, male, Flamenco dancer, was mistaken for a piñata.

       “My neighbor was taking a short cut through my backyard, the kids thought he was the piñata, and well… they went wild turkey on his ass”, said Oliver Buford Sr., who hosted the party.

        Mr. Jones suffered bumps, bruises, severe lacerations, and internal bleeding as a result of the beating.  “I think the festive colors he was wearing, plus his Old Spice, eucalyptus and liquorice flavoured cologne, added to the mistaken identity,” Mr. Buford stated.  He went on.  “The same thing happened two years ago when the kids put a horse in a coma after a Caribbean festival.”

           The good news is that Mr. Jones is expected to make a full recovery from his injuries.  Oddly, several pieces of candy ejected from his body during the beating.  “We’re not sure if the candy came from inside his body or what,” Buford said.   At that point, through an abundance of caution, the kids were permitted to eat those particular pieces of candy only after they had been wiped off with hand sanitizer.

      “My taffy tasted like peroxide and spleen,” said ten year old, Oliver Jr.  He went on.  “I was here two years ago when we beat the cover off that horse.  The only difference between that accidental beating and this one is that…the horse was a better dancer.”