SHERM, the dust mite, has been in a coma for several weeks.

Finally, one day, his big toes begin to wiggle, signalling the beginning of the recovery process.  From left to right, his big toes are TODD and MAXINE.

 

TODD:  Yo, Maxine, what is happening, girl?

MAXINE:  Nothing much.  Did you get a call from the central nervous system too?

SHERM:  ( thinking )  Hey, what’s this? Am I really about to come out of this comatose thing?

TODD:  ( to Maxine ) Yeah… but honestly, I had a hard time making out what they were trying to say.  The connection was totally bad.

MAXINE:  I had the same issue. Who’s your service provider?

TODD:  AT&T.

SHERM:  ( thinking )  I’m screwed.

MAXINE: Shit, that explains it.

TODD:  What’s wrong with AT&T?

MAXINE:  Nothing… if you what to talk to your knee cap… or your ankle.  Any distance beyond that, you’re gonna be dropping calls like a bitch.  You might want to switch to a better service provider.

TODD:  Like who?

MAXINE:  Like two tin cans with a lonnng-ass string attached, or like…

SHERM:  ( thinking ) … or like putting a note on a pigeon’s foot.

TODD:  I don’t think that would work because pigeons don’t have feet.

MAXINE:  What, who said anything about pigeons?  Where’d that come from?

SHERM: ( thinking)  It came from headquarters , dammit!

TODD:  I don’t know.  Maybe another dropped call.

MAXINE:  You get my point.

TODD:  Noted.

TODD:  Well, who’s your service provider?

MAXINE:  That’s not important.  What are we gonna do about the message?

SHERM: ( thinking ) I’m not above referring to myself in the third person, so you’re gonna get this fool back up on his feet.  That was the message!

TODD:  Well… I guess we just keep wiggling until the other toes join in, and then the foot starts moving and then the leg, and so on.

MAXINE:  Okay, that sound like a plan.

TODD:  Wait… did you hear that?

A MUFFLED COMMUNICATION is heard like a bad train station announcement.

MAXINE:  What was that?

TODD:  That was definitely another message from head quarters.

MAXINE:  Yeah, but what did it say?

SHERM:  ( thinking )  Get the fool up on his feet!  Get the fool up on his feet!

TODD:  I have no fucking idea.

MAXINE:  ( listens closely ) Wait… I think it’s saying…

SHERM:  ( thinking ) Yeah, she’s got it!

MAXINE:  ( nodding positively  ) It’s saying…

SHERM:  C’mon Maxine, bring it home, girl!  Bring me home, girl!

MAXINE:  It’s saying…  Beef jerky is good meat.

SHERM:  ( thinking ) Not what head quarters is saying.

TODD:  Beef jerky is good meat?  You sure?  I mean, I love beef jerky… but I thought it said… Get the fool up on his feet.

SHERM:  ( thinking )  Yeah, that’s it, that’s the right answer!

MAXINE:  Not even close!  Who’s communication service provider are you gonna trust, your’s or mine?

TODD:  Well, who’s your provider?

MAXINE:  Two empty tin cans and a long-ass string!

TOOD:  What kind of cans?

MAXINE:  One tuna fish and the other corn.

TODD:  Well, that sound pretty balanced, so I guess you’re right.

MAXINE:  One thousand percent, without a doubt!

SHERM:  ( thinking )  I am now officially one thousand percent screwed in coma purgatory.

TODD:  It make sense, because beef jerky is good meat.

 

THEND  ( Part 4 of 4 )