DUSTMITE IN A COMA (3)
From left to right, we have MW, BENTO, and INDIGO. On the table before them is Sherm, a dustmite. Sherm is in a coma.
INDIGO: So this is the bug that’s in a coma. He looks like he’s sleeping. Does he snore?
SHERM: ( thinking ) I assure you, lady, I do not snore. I once did snore as a child, because I suffered from sleep apnea, which required use of a CPAP machine, and intermittent stroking of feathers cross my ears, during my slumber. However, I out grew that condition with the help of hypnosis… and the elimination of chunky peanut butter sandwiches from my diet.
MW: No, he doesn’t snore, however, from time to time a whistling sound does emanate from his nose the resembles the chorus from Bennie And The Jets.
BENTO: ( singing ) “She’s got electric boots… a Mohair suit…”
SHERM: ( thinking ) Stop singing. What the hell is a Mohair suit exactly? Sounds itchy.
INDIGO: Wait a minute… I think I know this little dude.
MW: What, how could you possibly know this dust mite?
INDIGO: No, I mean I think I recognize his big-ass feet.
SHERM: ( thinking ) Oh shit… I think the broad is on to me.
BENTO: How so?
INDIGO: Last month, I found foot prints in my miniature bonsai garden. ( looks closer at Sherm’s feet ) And his feet seem to match those foot prints exactly.
SHERM: ( thinking ) I knew I should have put on my Jordans before I went through that damn garden.
MW: Wait a minute, you can’t –
INDIGO: I know my foot prints, MW, it was him! This little motherfucker killed my bonsai tree!
SHERM: ( thinking ) What? Noooo, that bonsai tree was alive when I left it. This is a set up. Somebody’s trying to frame Sherm.
MW: Well, even if this is the same dust mite, how did he kill your bonsai tree?
INDIGO: He urinated on it. The ammonia in the urine killed my bonsai tree.
SHERM: ( thinking ) I did no such thing. All I did was… to bask under the shade of that bonsai… whilst simultaneously smoking the most corruptable weed I’ve ever experienced in my life. I saw things that day you wouldn’t believe. Unbridled peace throughout the entire world. Democrats and Republicans working together for the good of the people. And a million billy goats peeing into a fountain of love and… ( rethinks ) Okay, maybe I did kill that bonsai tree.
INDIGO: I want justice for my bonsai.
BENTO: C’mon, Indigo, aren’t you taking this a thing a little too far?
INDIGO: You guys don’t understand. That bonsai tree brought a sense of balance and peace into my life that was beyond comprehension. When it died, I lost my sense of balance and inner peace. Justice is required… or I’ll never be the same again.
MW: What are you talking about, Indigo?
BENTO: ( to Indigo ) Are you talking about taking a wiz on this dust mite?
MW: If so, I’m gonna start calling you R. Kelly.
INDIGO: My bonsai deserves justice.
MW: I get it, Indigo, but your justice will have to wait. This dust mite happens to be in a coma, and whatever justice you inflict on him, he wouldn’t even feel right now. So… what would even be the point?
INDIGO ( considers ) Yeah, you’re right. Okay, I’ll wait until after he comes out of this coma and then… justice for my bonsai will be had.
MW: Okay, fair enough.
SHERM: ( thinking ) Yikes, I’m screwed if I never come out of this coma, and I’m even more screwed if I do come out of this coma. I wonder if there is a place in-between the two realities where I can find solace. ( considers ) What about Amsterdam?
THEND ( Part 3 )