MW, a WATER HEATER, and a DRAGON are seated in a living room. The water heater’s name is Bobby, and the dragon is called Nathaniel. There is a bit of tension in the air.
MW: So… this new WormHole Square climate change mandate means you both have to convert to all electric by 2030.
BOBBY: What, MW, the water’s not hot enough for you? I don’t hear you complaining while you’re taking one of you twenty minute showers…whilst thinking about that girl from the club some years ago who told you she had two vaginas.
MW: I gotta stop thinking out loud.
NATHANIEL: Yeah, and stop using up all the hot water! Cold showers make me sad.
MW: What… wait, how did you even fit into my shower?
NATHANIEL: Ergonomics and a feng shui.
MW: Well, stay out of my shower. Why can’t you take a shower in a lake like other dragons do?
NATHANIEL: Because lake water is cold and full of bacteria, and you know I’m prone to conjunctivitis.
BOBBY: And my underwear are prone to static cling when I get near electricity.
NATHANIEL: And the turtles keep stealing my soap.
MW: Well… stop dropping it.
NATHANIEL: MW, you gotta stop this mandate. I’m a fire breaking dragon. How am I gonna convert to electricity? How?!
MW: Look, guys, this new mandate has nothing to do with me. This is a governmental sorta, kinda… type thing.
BOBBY: Yeah, right. I heard you run things around this place?
MW: What place?
BOBBY: WormHole Square.
MW: Not really.
NATHANIEL: MW, this is really going to have an adverse affect on my day to day dragon activities.
MW: Not really, Nathaniel. You’ll still be able to lay waste to villages, towns, and hamlets. But after converting to electric, you’ll be able to do it in a much more climate friendly manner.
NATHANIEL: Yeah right.
MW: What about you, Bobby? Don’t you want to do your part to combat global warming?
Bobby is skeptical, thinks for a second and the has a small revelation.
BOBBY: Wait a second, here, MW. Don’t you draw cartoons and stupid shit all day?
MW: Yeah… but what’s with the… and stupid shit stuff? What’s your point?
BOBBY: You use paper right?
MW: Right… and?
BOBBY: And paper is made out of trees right?
MW: Right, and I know where this is headed.
NATHANIEL: So cutting all them trees down only makes it worse, because trees remove… helium from the atmosphere and then…
BOBBY: … And then the helium gets soaked into their barks and then… fluoride is released back into the atmosphere.
MW: I think you idiots mean trees remove carbon dioxide from the air and then release oxygen back into the atmosphere.
BOBBY: Whatever!
NATHANIEL: Yeah, whatever!
MW: But your point is well taken. So… I’ll make a deal with you guys. If you agree to convert to electric, I’ll do my part as well.
Nathaniel and Bobby look at each other skeptically, and then back at MW.
NATHANIEL: Okay, I’ll convert.
BOBBY: Yeah, fuck it.
MW: Thanks, guys! I thank you, the planet and future generations thank you. And for my part… from this day forth, I’m gonna start using a solar powered pencil.
