Last week, DEA officials, with the cooperation of NASA, recorded a major attempted drug deal that occurred on the surface of the planet Mars.

               “Attempting to sell illicit drugs to an astronaut is definitely a crime,” said DEA official, Nancy Pace.  “We’re just not sure we have jurisdiction to prosecute at this time.”

           The following is the transcript of the recorded transmission between astronaut, Andrew Logan and an inhabitant of Mars that goes by the name, Keith.

Transmission: August 10th, 0129 Hours

Keith: Hey, man, how was your flight?

Logan: Huh… what the…?

Keith:  Did you have a good flight?  Five hundred million   kilometers, seven months through the solar system.  You must be thirsty.  Can I offer you a cold brewed libation, which is comprised of fermented tartar sauce, acid rain, and the Big Bang Theory gone awry?  Oh… you’re more of a Hippie Lettuce sort of gent.  I can sense it in the urine and condensation inside your space suit.

Logan: What are you…?

Keith:  First of all, my name is Keith, and I’m an Intergalactic Sensimilla, Bomb Chron, Pakololo Sales Rep.

Logan:  Sensimilla, Bomb Chron, Pakololo sales rep?

Keith: All day, three- sixty five, son!  Solar, lunar eclipse, meteor showers, it don’t matter.  I’m out here slinging!

Logan:  What are you talking about?

Keith:  Check it out.  I can sell you two pounds of my finest Milky Way pure Blackhole Chronic for a really good price.   This stuff is thrice better than the Acapulco Gold or Purple Haze found on Earth, and it’s ten times better than that stinkweed that ET sells on Neptune.  You feel me?

Logan: Are you trying to sell me… drugs?

Keith:  No… maybe… Are you a cop?

Logan:  No.

Keith:  Then yes, I’m definately trying to sell you drugs?

Logan:  I’m really not here for that.  I’m here to study your planet.  Where are the rest of you people?

Keith: Why, so you can rape, pillage, murder, colonize, and McDonald-lize us?!  Never!  I’m not telling you anything, Yankee!

Logan:  No, I’m just here to take samples of-

Keith: Okay, I’ll tell you… if you buy a pound of my weed.  I take straight cash or you can cash app me.  Either way, no problem, cause ‘I’m easy like Sunday morning‘.  Yo, I even take EBT cards!

Logan:  I don’t want –

Keith:  Okay, stop waterboarding me, man!  I’ll tell you.  Everybody’s at the Waffle Attic near Antares.  On Tuesday’s the hash browns are free, and their hash browns are fire!  (unintelligible)  I’ll even let you sample my weed before you buy it.  But, be careful.  The last dude who sampled the Blackhole Chronic, side swiped his spaceship on a satellite and then crashed into an asteroid.

End of Transmission.

                   “Again, we are looking into every option available, pursuant jurisdictional authority, to bring this drug dealer to justice,” said Nancy Pace.  “In light of this new information, we are also investigating whether or not Neil Armstrong falsified accident records concerning his Saturn V rocket, and a four-way stop sign on the dark side on the moon, during the Apollo 11 mission.  Meanwhile, investigating the hash browns at the Waffle Attic near Antares will also be a top priority as well.”