Today, a cat called Novocaine, who died last week, was in court with his lawyer, suing to have his life reinstated.

      “My client, Mr. Novocaine, is entitled to nine lives, your Honor,” said attorney, Don Fesperman.”  And our termination records show that he has had only six lives.  Due to this accounting error, I am here today with my client to file a motion for immediate reanimation.

During the course of the proceedings, Mr. Fesperman went through Novocaine’s incidences of assumed, but erroneous demise.

    “On January 10th, of this year, your Honor, Novocaine got into an argument and subsequent physical altercation with O.J., inside a cutlery store, about who was the best NFL running back of all time.”   Fesperman went on.   “On March 3rd of this year, my client visited Baltimore City without wearing a bullet-proof vest… and stayed for more than two hours.   And finally, on June 5th of this same year, Mr. Novocaine got into yet another argument and yet, another physical altercation with O.J., while attending a machete trade show, in Baltimore for more than two hours, without wearing a bullet-proof vest.”

     ​Fesperman closed with this.  “My client, Mr. Novocaine survived all three incidences… as proven by exhibits A and B which are autographs signed by O.J. after each convention.  And proof that he lived through his visit to Baltimore… the smell of Old Bay and Maryland crabs still linger under his fingernails!”

Fesperman rested his case.