Last month, Majorie Tanner Bates, filed a complaint with the WormHole Square Celebrity Commission, alleging an insufficient amount of notoriety in her life.

                     “Everyone is supposed to have fifteen minutes of fame,” says Ms. Bates.  “Collectively, I’ve only had twelve minutes and forty-four seconds of any kind of fame.”

           Counting the six minutes, forty-one seconds she was on the local news for witnessing a UFO… which later turned out to be a drone delivering a large silver dildo to a college dorm.   And then the five minutes, twenty-eight seconds she was interviewed at a local flea market for selling a set of rare Mr. Magoo cufflinks.  Additionally, she was on TV for thirty-five seconds in a PSA about the dangers of Spontaneous Human Combustion after consuming a corndog, immediately followed by a Red Bull.   That indeed would be a total of exactly twelve minutes and forty-four seconds.

                         “I am due two minutes and sixteen seconds of fame to make me whole again,” Ms. Bates says.  “I suffer from severely low self esteem, Estrogen, and television ratings.”

           To settle her complaint, the WormHole Square Celebrity Commission sent a reporter/photographer ( an intern with zero photography experience and with a jaundice eye ) out to cover Ms. Bates and her latest celebrity-level, newsworthy accomplishment.  Unfortunately, the Commission could find nothing noteworthy about Ms. Bates at the time of their visit.   The two minutes and sixteen seconds of fame that she is still owed will be put into their official file to be reconciled at the appropriate place and time.