Yesterday, Flat Earther, Conrad Slater, 39, disappeared off the face of the earth, after he encountered a directional traffic sign at the end of the world. The only thing left at the scene was a journal filled with notes of his adventures. What follows is Conrad’s last recorded entry.
At last, I have arrived at the end of the world, which proves that the earth is flat. However, my elation is only temporary, because there is a sign here that has me perplexed like six motherfuckers riding a paraplegic bull. This sign seems foreign to me. Its symbols are ancient. It may have been left here by the Gods of some long ago culture. Below me, I can make out the remnants of a what might have been a bodega. The remnant smell of microwaved burritos hover stubbornly in this isolated place. The faint sound of a lottery ticket machine chattering out inevitable failure, echoes up from sullen depts. But this sign is calling me to action. For what I do not know, or care to know. But all I can do is stare at it and await further instructions. I stare. And now the circular arrows are spinning. Around and around, like a movie reel. I go closer. And now the further instructions that I was waiting for have manifested. Directions. The sign is telling me to go forward through a roundabout, and then take a left on Lucille Ball Avenue, and the turn right down Richard Roundtree Circle. After that
Today, 58 year old singer R. Kelly, was the target a retroactive, class action lawsuit. In the lawsuit, 8 eight old R. Kelly, has been accused of selling lemonade made of highly questionable citrus value and virtue.
“It’s the only way we could get around the statute of limitations,” said Todd McShay, lawyer for the plaintiffs. He continued. “We went back to the future, so to speak. I represent eight hundred and sixty people who bought and consumed, what they thought was lemonade from Mr. Kelly’s lemonade stand. That stand was operated by Kelly’s eight year old self. When in reality, they were consuming some other liquid. It’s not clear if it was watered down Mello Yello, Mountain Dew with some extra dew added to cut production costs, or something else more nefarious.”
McShay and his clients have retroactively sued Kelly for $165, which is the total cost of six hundred and sixty cups of lemonade at .25 cents per cup. However, the lawsuit faces one major problem.
“Our time machine has stopped working properly,” said McShay. “It’s limited to only two time periods. One is during the Ming Dynasty, and the other is the Halloween weekend in 1929. So, we can’t go back to the right year and serve little R. Kelly with the court papers.”
Despite this obstacle, McShay remains confident that he will get justice for his clients. Even if he has to go back to 1929 to do it.
“If I can go back to 1929, maybe I can convince the powers that be not to repeal prohibition. And then maybe I can convince Hoover to extend the prohibition to lemonade stands, and thus, 8 year old R. Kelly never gets to operate his enterprise.”
Hopefully, McShay will get his time machine working soon.
Deepest apologies to everyone who has been following the WormHole Square web page. We were on an unannounced hiatus, but we’ll be back soon with more groovy new material. Hope this warms your heart and tingles your bottom parts. Thank You and we’ll see you soon.
WormHole Square will update on Wednesday, September 11th, 2024. Sorry for the off timing this will. Thanks for following and please, please, please, tell everyone you know in the universe about us.
Questions? Go to the 'About Comic Strip' page for answers to why this strip exists, or go there just to find the solutions to life's mysteries in general.
