Last week, Public Enemy icon, Flavor Flav, married world-famous landmark, and London tourist attraction, Big Ben.

          “Yeah, boyyeee, you know what I’m saying?!” was the response from Mr. Flav when asked if he’d take Big Ben to be his lawfully wedded wife.  However, confusion followed shortly thereafter, because no one could attest to the actual gender of the world famous clock tower.

             Big Ben’s mechanical maintenance man, Sir Nigel Dwight, explained.  “I’ve examined the clock’s mechanical parts and I’ve documented both male and female inner workings.  After all was said and done, I just put my hand under Big Ben’s long hand and told him to cough, and all was good!”

        The clock tower was officially renamed Elizabeth Tower back in 2012.  Big Ben is actually just a nick name.  Again, Flavor Flav. “I don’t care about none of that, you know what I’m saying?  We’re in love, and that’s all that matters, naww mean?”

            The couple has recently endured rumours of Flavor Flav having a sexual relationship with Cogsworth, the clock from Beauty and the Beast.      “Not true, yo,” says Flav.  “I asked Cogsworth for the time at a Knicks game once and people started a rumor that he was my side bitch, and shit.  That shit was crazy, yo!  Okay, so I did go home with him after the game… but all we did was cuddle and talk about the benefits of daylights savings time – I swear!  You know what I’m saying?”

          They say opposites attract.  It appears to be true with Flav and Big Ben.  “I’ve learned so much from Big Ben,” says Flav.  “Like how to say Bloke instead of Homie… and how to drink tea from a cup instead of a forty from a brown paper bag.”

        And Big Ben has learned some things from Flav as well.   Like how not to worry about being on time so much.  “It’s okay to be twenty-five minutes to three days late for some things.  You know what I’m saying,” says Flav.  “Like job interviews, grand openings for weave shops, and funerals.  Don’t worry about being on time for them shits so much!”

      Case in point; ​Flav was two and a half days late for this own wedding.  Again, Flavor Flav. “I knew Big Ben would be here whatever time I rolled up in this bitch.  I mean- where the mothafucka gonna go.  You know what I’m saying?”