INNER TRUMP: Looks like you had a special, guest visitor at the White House last week.
TRUMP: Who, Jeffrey Epstein?
INNER TRUMP: No, that looks like John Harbaugh, head coach of the Baltimore Ravens.
TRUMP: Yeah, maybe.
INNER TRUMP: John Harbaugh, you’re a so-called Christian. What in the actual hell were you doing at the White House, hobnobbing with a convicted sexual abuser?
TRUMP: He can’t hear you. He’s too busy basking in the glow of my presidency and –
INNER TRUMP: Stunned by his own conservative Christian hypocrisy.
TRUMP: You think I’m a-
INNER TRUMP: Yes, you’re an insurrectionist, misogynist, fascist, racist, and…
TRUMP: Yes, and don’t forget, I called NFL players, the vast majority of which are Black, Sons Of Bitches! Remember that?
INNER TRUMP: I do, but maybe John doesn’t.
TRUMP: He does, but he also recognizes that I have the right to free speech.
INNER TRUMP: Oh, like Colin Kaepernick had?
TRUMP: That’s unfair. John may be here to simply show support for the office… or my policies, which are –
INNER TRUMP: Antithetical to both the Constitution and the teachings of Jesus Christ.
TRUMP: Anti…thet…? Anyway, John must admire me somewhat to accept my invitation, right?
INNER TRUMP: You mean, with you being a false prophet and all.
TRUMP: Now you’re getting it.
INNER TRUMP: Sadly, we all are.
TRUMP: To be fair, maybe John was not directly supporting me. Maybe he was supporting the words of Jesus like, Trump should be on the one thousand dollar bill.
INNER TRUMP: Obviously, Jesus would never say that. In fact, the bible says we can’t serve God and money. Sound familiar?
TRUMP: Not at all. Sounds like Greek, with a side order of Obama’s fingernail’s across a chalkboard, to me.
INNER TRUMP: What about welcome the stranger?
TRUMP: What’s that?
INNER TRUMP: Feed the hungry?
TRUMP: Honestly, I don’t poll well with that demographic, so…
INNER TRUMP: The bible encourages compassion and empathy for others.
TRUMP: Those concepts are as alien to me as the people I’m trying to deport out of the country.
INNER TRUMP: Well, Jesus would not approve.
TRUMP: Well, if his name is Jesus ( Hey-Seuss), then he’s probably already been deported.