A GOPHER has an OSTRICH in a headlock under the ground.  The gopher’s name is JOHNNY and the ostrich is ROLANDO.

JOHNNY:  Rolando, how many times do I gotta tell you, you can’t make your problems go away by burying your head in the sand.  Where’s my money?!

ROLANDO:  I don’t have it, Johnny, but I’ll have by the end of the week, I swear!

JOHNNY:  You said that last week, Rolando.  Why you trying to take me for a sucker, huh?

ROLANDO:  I’m not, Johnny, I swear!  Next week, I’ll have your cash, I swear!

JOHNNY:  Okay… this is your last chance.  If you don’t have my money by Friday… well… I’m gonna ring your neck in five different places!

Johnny squeezes Rolando’s neck tighter.

ROLANDO:  You mean here… and in four other locations?

JOHNNY:  No, stupid, I’m going to ring five different sections of you long, ostrich neck.  You understand?!  Friday!

ROLANDO:  Well, Tuesday’s a holiday, so does that mean I have until Saturday?

JOHNNY:  What… okay, whatever, you got until Saturday!

ROLANDO:  Okay, well, Saturday is not a business day, and now we’re into the weekend, sooooo… might as well give me until Monday, right?

JOHNNY:  Okay, Monday, and that’s the absolutely, positively last day I’m giving you, Rolando! Don’t play with me, boy!

Johnny squeezes Rolando’s neck tighter to make his point.

ROLANDO:  Okay, okay, okay, Johnny, Monday I’ll have your cash, man!

JOHNNY:  Okay.

Johnny loosens his chokehold.

ROLANDO:  You know… Monday’s a federal holiday in Canada, right… sooo?

Johnny tightens his grip.

JOHNNY:  You motherfuc-

 

THEND