INNER TRUMP: So… you went to Arlington National Cemetery for a disgraceful photo op?
TRUMP: I was invited by some of the families of the thirteen soldiers who died during the Afghanistan pullout. I was there to honor their scarifice.
INNER TRUMP: But you reportedly said that soldiers who die in battle were “losers and suckers” right?
TRUMP: Yes, but I took flowers and smiled, and gave a big thumbs up at the grave sight, so you know I was sincere in my transparent show of exploitative insensitivity. I also brought donuts.
INNER TRUMP: That hardly makes what you did right.
TRUMP: Hey, you’d be surprised how much damage control a dozen crullers can do.
INNER TRUMP: It’s a violation of federal law to photograph, video, film, etc, around the graves of service members.
TRUMP: Really, oh… I didn’t know that.
INNER TRUMP: You know that very well. You also know that you can’t use any photographs or video footage, etc., for campaign purposes. Again, you think you’re above the law.
TRUMP: Hey, the video crew just happened to be at the cemetery when I came in with my flowers, and it was all just coincidental.
INNER TRUMP: It was a planned, campaign publicity stunt.
TRUMP: It was not.
INNER TRUMP: Your Arlington Cemetery footage was posted on TikTok the next day.
TRUMP: Hey, I brought donuts!
INNER TRUMP: One of your campaign staffers reportedly shoved a cemetery worker aside, who tried to prevent your crew from taking unauthorized photographs and video in Section 60.
TRUMP: Not true. She lost her balance after eating one of the delicious crullers. Did I mention I bought crullers? I buy the best crullers.
INNER TUMP: Once again, you have demonstrated your abject lack of empathy, grace, and basic human decency.
TRUMP: Once again, you have failed to identify that I really don’t care about your spot on, on point, counterpoint, and observations of me.
INNER TRUMP: True to form.
TRUMP: Yes, I always tell the truth.
INNER TRUMP: You almost never tell the truth. This incident is especially grievous, because you dodged your own military service with a spurious claim of bones spurs.
TRUMP: Hey, bone spurs are real thing.
INNER TRUMP: Honor and respect are also real, but it doesn’t mean you have it.
TRUMP: I wanted to serve, believe me, but the bone spurs, you know?
INNER TRUMP: You never wanted to serve your country. Your bone spurs haven’t prevented you from playing frequent rounds of golf. Why is that?
TRUMP: Not sure… but I’m going to put your question to the test this afternoon.