SNAIL AUCTIONEER:  Fiiiiiiiiiiiivvvvvvvvvvve… hhhhhhunnnnnnnnnnndreeeeeeeedd… Doooooooooooooooo… Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii… hhhhhhheeeaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr… sixxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx…hhhhhhhhhhunnnnnnnnnn…ddddddrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeed?

BIDDER #5:  One thousand dollars!

SNAIL AUCTIONEER: Onnnnnnnnne… thouuuuuuuuuussssssannnnnd…

BIDDER #5:  Yes, one thousand dollars, sold to me, bidder number five!  That’s it, it’s official, final, done!

SNAIL AUCTIONEER:  Nooooooooooooo… iiiiiiittttt’sssssss… nnnnnnnooottttt…

BIDDER #5:  Dude, we’ve been here for two days!  You’re taking too long to get through the bids.  How did you even get this job?

SNAIL AUCTIONEER:  Dooooooooo… Iiiiiiiiiiiiii… hearrrrrrrrrr…. onnnnneeeee…

WOMAN BIDDER:  No, he’s right, this is taking too long!   I’ve missed my daughter’s middle school and high school graduation since I’ve been here!

BIDDER #7: The cicadas have come and gone… and come back again since we’ve been in here.  Please end this now!

The remaining BIDDERS are all in agreement.

SNAIL AUCTIONEER: ( relents ) Ooooooookaaaaaaayyyy… sooooooldddddd!

The entire room is relieved.

BIDDER #5:  Thank you!  I understand that painting also comes with a side order of escargot, correct?

SNAIL AUCTIONEER:  Yyyyyyeeeesssss.  ( realizing ) Hey, what the f-?!

 

 

THEND