Yesterday, in the 1600 block of Thames Street, Sydney Rhodes, 65, was accosted by several large turtles who mistook his age spots for their Galápagos Island home.

        “I was walking along the street when them turtles cornered me and demanded money,” Mr. Rhodes said.  “I had just come from the bank and cashed my social security check, my soybean subsidy check, and my accident settlement check, for that time when I slipped on a wet onion skin at Denny’s.”

         Lee Smoats, a marine biologist who witnessed the event, attempted to set the record straight. “These particular turtles are part of the Galápagos Islands/Baltimore Inner Harbor exchange program. They have no interest in money.  They saw the gentleman’s age spots on his head, and they were instantly reminded of their Island home.”

      It didn’t help the situation any that Mr. Rhodes had just come from the all-you-can-eat seafood buffet at Long John Silver’s, and his pockets were stuffed with seafood.

             “Yeah, I had shrimps in my pockets… thirteen, medium sized, fried, in the right pocket, twelve medium, one large, in the left,” Rhodes said.  “I also had three clams in my back pocket and some calamari under my shirt.  I woulda had more, but, them raw oysters kept sliding down my damn pants!”

            Mr. Rhodes then pulled out a coupon for bottomless scollops and taunted the turtles with it. He said that he was once hoodwinked by a syndicate of salamanders, in an elaborate pyramid scheme, and that is why he is so suspicious of amphibians.