DR. PRATT:  In a nutshell, I think your marriage is suffering from a severe case of irony.

DOUG:  No, the problem is my wife’s constant mood swings.  One minute she’s loving, caring… the next thing you know, she’s trying to put arsenic in my Swedish pickled herring!

DR. PRATT: What about that, Yin?  Is there validity in Doug’s statement?

YIN:  No… it was drain cleaner and it was herring enchiladas!

DR. PRATT:  Well… Yin… did you apologize to Doug for being thoughtless and cruel to him?

YIN:  Yes, I did.  And then I gave him a wonderful Swedish massage, while he retold stories of his unimpressive high school hockey adventures… which I affirmed to be impressive.  And then…

DR. PRATT:  And then…

DOUG:  She shanked me with a pair of garden shears!

DR. PRATT:  Yin, what did we establish at our very first session?

YIN:  Shanking and marriage can not coexist if one hopes to have a healthy relationship.

DR. PRATT:  Exactly.  Okay… I think we’ve made some progress this week.   What do you both think?  And I want you to turn to each other and express honestly, exactly how you feel.  Doug, you first.

Doug and Yin face each other.

DOUG:  Yin, I still love you… and despite your inexplicable, wild mood swings… and all the times you’ve acted like an evil gargoyle towards me… I still think our marriage can be the perfect union that we always thought it could be.

YIN:  ( tearfully )  Oh, Doug, I agree.  And I realize that I still love you sooooo much, and I’ll do anything to prove that to you going forward, from this moment on.  And when we get home… when we get back home… when we get home…

DR. PRATT:  What, Yin?

YIN: ( to Doug )  Don’t go into the garage.  I’ve rigged that sucker from top to bottom with harpoons…

DR. PRATT:  Thanks for sharing that, Yin.  It’s a start.

YIN:  …bear traps… poison darts.  The entire joint is basically like an Indiana Jones hellscape…

 

THEND