Wizard Of WormHole Square City

 

WIZARD:  Sorry folks, I’m all out of brains, hearts, and courage.  Can I interest you all in some NFT’s, crypto currency, or WormHole Square City time shares?

MW:  What?   No, we’re not interested in any of that stuff.  Bento here,    ( points to Bento ) needs a new actuator for one of his knees.

BENTO:  I got a fucked up knee, Doc.  Sometimes it gets so bad that I walk around like Jack Sparrow after doing an 8 ball.

MW:  And Indigo here, wants… ah (embarrassed ). Actually, I’ll let her tell you herself.

INDIGO:  Indigo needs a wireless self pleasuring device… with voice activation.  You feel me, Mr. Wizard, sir?

WIZARD:  Indeed.

MW: And I want…

WIZARD: Want, want, want, who am I, Santa Claus around this motherfu- ?

BENTO: No, no, no, we’re not saying that.

INDIGO:  We’re not saying that at all.

MW: What we’re saying is… MW wants a copy of Supertramp’s Breakfast In America… on eight track.

WIZARD: Nawwww, sorry, I don’t think I can help you with that or any of your requests.

MW: Damn.

WIZARD:  Sorry, but like I said, maybe you folks would consider some WormHole Square City timeshares instead.  Or perhaps dare to wade into the cryto currency waters.

INDIGO: What, no! We came all the way here to WormHole Square City because we heard you were a great and powerful wizard who could grant our requests!

WIZARD:  Who told you that?

MW:  Are you even a real wizard?!

BENTO:  Yeahhhhhh, who are you?  Are you catfishing us right now?!

WIZARD:  No, no, no, this is no catfishing scenario, I assure you, my good man.  And yes, I am a real wizard.

INDIGO:  No, you strike me more as a feckless warlock who’s on the down low.

WIZARD:  No, I assure you, I am a wizard.

MW:  Then what’s the problem, dude?  Why can’t you grant our respective requests?

INDIGO: Yeah!

BENTO:  Yeah.

WIZARD:   Well, it’s quite a complicated mechanism concerning the power brokers on the City Council… and the trustees inside the Lollipop Guild, etcetra, so forth and so on, you understand.

MW:  We must certainly do not fucking understand that sideways jibberish!

INDIGO:  You’re suppose to be all powerful.

BENTO:  You’re supposed to be the shit around here!

WIZARD:  Well, sir, despite my reputation preceding me, I assure you, I am not the proverbial shit around here… or anywhere else for that matter.  I’m sorry.

INDIGO:  So… you mean, I’m not going to get my voice activated wireless self pleasuring device?

WIZARD:  I’m afraid not, my dear.  I’m sorry.

BENTO:  And I’m not going to get my titanium micro lateral actuator for my left knee?

WIZARD:  I’m afraid not.

MW:  And I’m not gonna get Breakfast In America on 8 track?

WIZARD:  No, I’m sorry.

BENTO:  You’re sorry?  Is that all you can say… you’re sorry?  You have any idea what we had to go through to get here?

WIZARD:  Ahh, not really.

INDIGO: Lions and tigers and…

WIZARD:  …bears?

MW:  No… Baltimore.

WIZARD:  Oh my… God!

BENTO:  Yeah, G, we had to go through Baltimore to get here and all you have to offer us is sorry excuses.

The Wizard’s attitude completely changes from dismal to upbeat.

WIZARD: Baltimore… well why didn’t you say so?

INDIGO:  You’ve been there?

WIZARD:  Hellllllllll no, what are you crazy?   But I’ve heard stories from  folks who have been through that particular stretch of alternative landscape and lived to tell about it.   And these feats are tantamount to the heroic feats of the bravest and most noble warriors of both past and contemporary times.  Dare I say, even more noble than vanquishing wicked witches.  So because of your collective indomitable sprit and valiant efforts, what I’m going to do is grant each and everyone of your requests…

INDIGO: Really?!

WIZARD: Ahhhh… sort of.  What I mean to say is… ahh, in lieu of granting you actually requests…  ( pulls coupons out of his vest pocket ) please accept these coupons on behalf of all the citizens of WormHole Square City.  Good at any brick and mortar store and online, including Amazon.  Give them the special wizardry QR code at the bottom to access any item currently available… and save 25% off!

INDIGO: Twenty five percent off?

MW:  You mean we still have to pay for this stuff?  We assumed it would be free.

WIZARD:  Free?  C’mon, a brother has to make a little on the side.  A wizard’s overhead is quite challenging in these time.  You understand, right?

The trio reluctantly capitulates.

WIZARD:  Now… have you made a decision on those timeshares?

 

 THEND