Two weeks ago, Julius Caesar got a new, adjustable, Sleep Roman Numeral Bed to help alleviate his back problems and insomnia. “My old bed was made of straw mats, strings and the hopes, dreams, and necks of the Roman plebeian class, “Caesar said. “I was hesitant at first, but I decided to give the adjustable bed a try after I heard some of the testimonials.”
And here is some of what actual Sleep Roman Numeral Bed customers had to say.
“I spend a lot of my time sitting in colosseums, watching the Christians and slaves being feed to the lions.” said Marcus. “It’s terrible and tragic… how uncomfortable those seats are… and I’m talking box seats. And sometimes I suffer back aches because of it. So, I put my Sleep Roman Numeral Bed on the IV extra soft setting, and after witnessing a long day of glorified violence and human carnage passing as entertainment, I tend to forget how awful those colosseum seat really are.”
“I work construction, so at the end of the day, my whole body aches,” said Titus. “First, I take a long bath in the Tiber River, where I use animal fat and wood ashes to replenish my rawhide skin. Then I get in my Sleep Roman Numeral Bed and adjust the setting to medium XI for a restful sleep. The next day I’m refreshed and ready to go back to my back busting, non-union job, as a brick mason on the Pantheon construction project.”
“I’ve had my Sleep Roman Numeral Bed for about two weeks now,” said Caesar. “I’ve used multiple settings from an extra soft II, all the way up to an extra firm XXIII. It’s been great. I no longer suffer from insomnia, although sometimes I do wake up in the middle of the night when I hear Cicero off in the distance, giving rhetorical speeches about whether Rome could be built in a day if we just took shorter coffee breaks. And my lower back sciatica has gone away completely. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to find the right Sleep Roman Number to alleviate the stabbing pains I sometimes have in my upper back.”