Every seventeen years, cicadas, also known as locusts, return in massive, swarming numbers in many parts of the United States.   And this year… is the year.

               “It’s been seventeen years and once I get these twenty-eight layers of sleep-crust out of my eyes, I’ll be ready to go”, says Nowell, spokesman for the 2021 Cicada Return.  Nowell uses a small wire brush to remove the last vestiges of sleep from his eyes, continues.   “It’s good to be back.   Hibernating for seventeen years has its perks, don’t get wrong.  But I mean after you get up, you’re looking at a lot of problems.  Like, I’ve got the worse bedhead, bedsores, and morning breath you could imagine.  You just don’t understand.”

                Nowell gargles with some mouthwash spits, continues.  “In addition, unless you pay in advance, you’re looking at seventeen years of back rent due.  That’s why I set my alarm clock for sixteen years, eleven months, and three weeks.  So I can roll out of here before my landlord, Mr. Lee, shows up.  They cut the gas and electric off years ago.  That’s why it’s so damn dark and cold in this joint.”

       Scientists are not exactly sure how and why cicadas reemerge every seventeen years.   Nowell shares his insight.

                           “You see, during our seventeen year underground dormancy, there will be a time period above ground, within that, when certain events will occur that will be so utterly existentially fucked-up that we just don’t want to witness to any of it.”

                    Trump.

             “Exactly!  We waited until his shitstorm, Kabuki sideshow, landfill of swamp nightmares was over before we came back.”

                  On what he missed the most while he was in hibernation, Nowell gets a little misty-eyed in between encrusted eyelids.

           “3 Doors Down.  And now I’m awaiting there return.”