Two weeks ago, Dawson Riley, 256 years of age, filed a complaint with the NAACP after he was called several “N” words by an employee of the WormHole Square Cemetery.

                   “He was in the graveyard trying to dig up a corpse so he could have sex with it,” says gravedigger, Joe Conner.   “He had condoms, a shovel, Teddy Pendergrass music going, the whole bit. So I called him a… necrophile.”  Mr. Conner tosses a shovel full of dirt over his shoulder, continues.  “And as he and I were discussing the situation, the guy just straight-up falls asleep in the middle of his sentence.  That’s right, started snoozing right there against that tombstone.  So I called him a… narcoleptic.  Thirty seconds later the guy wakes up and finishes his sentence from before he fell asleep, like it never happened.  But his sentence didn’t follow my original question one bit.”  Mr. Conner puts his shovel down, continues.  “So then I called him a… non sequiturist.   Then the guy started spouting some nonsense about how he was just here to protect the garden and its treasure and such.  So, at that point, I realized the guy was… a Gnome.  And I yelled it out loud and I told him to get the hell off of the property!”

                      Mr. Riley’s complaint included being called a necrophile, narcoleptic, non sequitarist, Gnome, as well as, a nitwit, noodle, and a numbnut, needle dick Norwegian netherworld lover.  The NAACP summarily dismissed the complaint.