Leonard Boone, 46, was admitted into the WormHole Square Medical Center, after swallowing a car battery, in hopes of giving his new career selling used covered wagons, a boost.

                      “Mr. Boone came in yesterday complaining of stomach pain, nausea, and car battery acid reflux,” said Dr. Linda Anders, the attending ER physician.  “We’ve tried various procedures to remove the battery including, pumping his stomach with a torque wrench, industrial strength laxatives, and pulling the battery out with an engine hoist.  All without success.   We’ve also found a stomach ulcer the size of a Frisbee.  Another issue is that the positive connection clamp of the jumper cable is attached to his liver, and the negative clamp is attached to a chain of heart monitors in the ICU unit.  So removing that cable will be no simple task without killing people and tripping the circuit breaker to the coffee pot in the employee lounge.”

                       Mr. Boone started selling used covered wagons six months ago, but things have not worked out exactly as he’d planned.

                           “I had sold just one darn wagon in all of six months,”  Boone said from his hospital bed.  “I’m not sure if the demand is just not there for used horse drawn covered wagons from the 1800’s, or if it’s just me not applying myself motivationally.”  Boone coughs, spits a mouthful of battery fluid into a cup, continues. “So I figured I needed something to, you know, “jump start” my career.  And yes, I know, I went the literal route with this, but I was desperate.”

                   Interesting, things did pick up for Boone for a while after he swallowed the battery.

                          “So the day after I swallowed the battery, I sold a brown, 1885 stagecoach, low miles, one owner, no accidents.  Great!   The next day I sold a brown 1889 chuckwagon convertible, four horsepower, wooden, spoked wheels.  Wonderful!  And then the day after that, I sold a covered wagon with a moon roof, anti-lock brakes, cruise control, and a sack of potatoes on the dash used as an airbag.  Fantastic!”

           Boone takes a moment to catch his breath, continues.  “And then I hit a dry spell!”  He shakes his head, returns with tacit confidence.  “But I’m not going to let anything hold me back from achieving my career goals!”

              Then one of Boone’s many monitors beeps and a Check Engine light flashes in amber yellow.