A rat named Melroy Spikes has successfully avoided being wiped out by a pest control company, by using the 1973 Endangered Species Act.

                  “He was a pretty big rat, but I’ve seen bigger ones in Baltimore and New York City,”  says exterminator, Joe Gosner.  “I was all prepared to take him out with a ray gun filled with rat poison and Mississippi River water.  But then he showed me his online degree from The WormHole Online Institute College Of Teachery.   I was then bound by law to rescind the contract for extermination.”

                Melroy Spikes has an online degree in Somatic Science, which is bodywork and movement studies of internal physical perception.  ( This is a real thing ).

                “I’m one of only five rats left in the entire world with an online degree,” says Spikes.  “There are other rats, mice and even gerbils out in the wild with Mickey Mouse GEDs and such, but that’s a dime a dozen.  I’m a rare entity, and thus is why I’m protected.  I’ve also employed policies of Manifest Destiny, Imminent Domain and straight-up Bogarting to claim my stake in this joint.  Meanwhile, I’ve signed a promissory note to pay my share of six months of back cable bills.  I’ve also verbally agreed to stop shouting out the name Rataouille every time I have a nocturnal emission.”

           Spikes shrugs, continues.

                 “Don’t judge me. It’s all part of my continuing internal physical perception studies.  In lieu of running all day on a hamster wheel, I prefer to arouse my self in a semi-recumbent position by watching TV shows about pawn shops and storage wars.”