Last week, Santa Claus was caught by Mrs. Claus, in bed with a reindeer and a coal miner.

                “I went into the attic to get some elf dust, when I saw the three of them, in bed, doing what could only be called St. Nick and antlers up the mine shaft,” says Mrs. Claus.

                    The incident has caused quite a disruption in the Christmas schedule.  Santa has been unable to focus on preparing for the Christmas rush.

                    “Everybody’s lost their minds over this thing,” Santa says.  “This negative publicity is killing my image.   Mrs. Claus is divorcing me, the SPCA is filing charges, and my Nike endorsement deal on Santa Boots is on hold.”

                   The coal miner involved in the incident is named Merle Stafford.  He spoke on the condition of anonymity.

              “I love Santa”, Merle says.  “I’m on the naughty list each and every year, and each and every year Santa leaves a lump of coal in my stocking.  Sometimes he even crushes the coal into dust before he puts it in there.  I just wanted to show Santa how much I appreciate all the stocking stuffers over the years.  And even though his gifts have contributed to my black lung disease, I still wanted to give back to Santa in a special way.”

                        The reindeer involved in the incident was not one of Santa’s regular crew, sources say.

              “Naw, it wasn’t Rudolf, Donner, Vixen, Dasher, Prancer, or any of the other well known reindeer,” says Dexter, Santa’s HR elf.   “The guy was scrub.  He applied for a job here last year, but he was a below average sled puller, and he failed the physical.   He was infested with ticks.  Couldn’t hire the guy.”

                      To complicate Santa’s Christmas schedule, he has since come down with mononucleosis and Lyme disease.