Last night, Bedrock resident, Fred Flintstone was assaulted  by his very own swollen knot.

                “According to a neighbor, Mr. Flintstone and his knot got into a very heated argument over the cholesterol content of pterodactyl eggs and other things,” says Police Chief, Dave Boulderson.  “At some point during the argument, the knot began hitting Mr. Flintstone upside the head with a golf club.”

                The following is the transcript of the neighbor’s recorded altercation that led to the assault.

KNOT:  Yo, Fred?                                                                                                   (No response )                                                                                                       KNOT:  Yo… Fred?!                                                                                             FRED:  What?                                                                                                        KNOT:  I’m hungry.                                                                                           FRED:  Good for you.                                                                                           KNOT:  No, not good for me.  I’m seriously hungry, Bruh.  What’s      up?  You act like you’re on some kind of diet or something.                                                                                                                 FRED:  That’s right.                                                                                           KNOT:  You’re on a diet?                                                                        FRED:  Yup.                                                                                               KNOT: Look here, playa, you didn’t discuss this with me.                         FRED:  Don’t have to.                                                                                       KNOT:  I think you do.  I’m part of you.  I need real food.  I can’t survive just off your dandruff and Fruity Peebles!   You don’t eat, I don’t eat.                                                                                                   FRED:  Exactly!  You don’t eat, you lose body mass.  You get smaller, until your swelling finally goes down, and I’m healed.                 KNOT:  You… you… you’re trying to get rid of me?                               FRED:  Yes!                                                                                                         KNOT:  But why?!                                                                                               FRED:  Because after an accident, a normal knot swells up, you put some ice on it, you take an anti inflammatory, swelling goes down after a few days.  Gone!  But you… you… it’s been like six months!  Six months of walking around with you protruding through my skull, looking like a penis periscope!                                                                   KNOT:  Hmmm… phalic symbolism.  Are you trying to tell me something about you and your buddy, Barney Rubble?               FRED:  You won’t shave!  You won’t change your underwear and you spend all day watching the Golf Channel with 3-D glasses on!                                                                                          KNOT:  Well, you created me when you dropped bowling ball on you head!  Your fault.  I didn’t ask for this detail.  I was content living the subcutaneous life, Bruh.  And by the way, ice has no affect on me, because these underwear that I never change… are lined with burlap.  You can’t get rid of me, you understand?                                                                                                          FRED:  ( groan ) All too well.                                                                                             KNOT: And don’t bother trying to smother me with a shower cap, or that dumb-ass Loyal Order of Water Buffalo hat, because I have no lungs.                                                                                                     FRED:  Oh my God!                                                                                            KNOT:  Face it, Fred, I’m going to be with you for the foreseeable future.  Get used to it, Bruh.  In fact, I’m still hungry and I want some pterodactyl eggs!                                                                                   FRED:  No!  Pterodactyl eggs have too much cholesterol… and fuck you!                                                                                                               KNOT:  Scrambled!  A little cholesterol won’t hurt you… but I might, if you don’t get that skillet jumping pronto!                                                                                             FRED: No!                                                                                                               ( pause … rustling )                                                                                                FRED:  What are you going to do with that?                                               KNOT:  Last chance.  Are you going to rustle up some scrambled pterodactyl eggs or not?  If not, I’m going to show you what my    3-D golf swing looks like!                                                                                                               FRED:  Not!

             “It was at this point when the assault allegedly ensued,” says, Chief Boulderson.

             The knot was arrested and charged with several counts first degree aggravated assault, and a double bogey.  The knot made bail and was released on its own recognisance.  Mr. Flintstone has since obtained a restraining order against the knot.