A recent study conducted by the WormHole Square Medical Center, has found that Alien Facehuggers have many beneficial medical and dental applications.

             “Yes, we’ve found that these, so called, facehuggers, are very good for teeth whitening and teeth straightening,” says orthodontist, Peggy Graysmith.  “Yes, these slimy, xeno-creatures that attach, without warning, onto the human face like an insane French-kissing, crustacean, velcro, suction cup, may one day make braces obsolete.”

               Dr. Watson Gupta, director of the WormHole Square Medical Center, sees many other possible medical applications as well.  “We’ve seen preliminary success with tonsillectomies and procedures to repair deviated septums and lazy eyes,” Gupta says.  He looks confidently to his assembled medical charts, continues. “The facehuggers also provide 100% SPF protection against ultraviolet rays and prevent sunburns.  Although, early results to protect against Covid-19 were mixed, we are optimistic that the facehugger’s application might prove beneficial in that regard as well.”

             Dr. Gupta monitors his current test subject, continues.  “The facehuggers have also been applied to various occupational settings to prevent injuries to eyes, such as, welding, jousting, and laser beam calibrating.”

               Although medical professionals are excited about the many possible benefits alien facehuggers present, they admit the benefits do not come without some negative side affects.

               “We’ve had some patients suffer from Ageusia (loss of taste), especially when eating humus or rice cakes.  Shortness of breath was also reported.  And some other patients suffered from complications due to suffocation,” says Dr. Gupta.  “Heartburn… heartburn and upset stomach was another common complaint.  But by far the number one negative side affect from these facehuggers is the whole… impregnating of the human host and the subsequent alien busting through the chest cavity… thing.  And thus, the inevitable ruining of a good quality $20 Bella Canvas T-shirt.”