Fact: Most snails are hermaphrodites; having both male and female genitalia.  Rodney, a snail from WormHole Square’s westside, had a sexual encounter with itself, and now faces the consequences of that decision.

      “It was a Friday nite,” Rodney says.  “I was bored.  I had just binge-watched a full season of the Discovery Channel and Orange Is The New Black. So… that combo, combined with my new yoga mat, convinced me to go ahead and have sexual relations with me, myself, and I.  Don’t misunderstand me,” Rodney is quick to say. “It was not a three way encounter.  It was a one on one affair between me and myself… with I… mostly watching.”

        The encounter was very gratifying initially, according to Rodney.  But the following day, the complications began.  “So… after sharing this intimate night with someone who I thought was a caring person, it’s the next day, and I don’t even get as much as a phone call.”   Rodney drops his face in shame momentarily, then back up, continues.  “Now, I’m feeling used and manipulated.  Initially, I thought I was cool with a one night stand.  Now I realize that what I really wanted was a long term, committed relationship with myself .”

        The regret grew deeper for Rodney as the days passed and still no phone call.  “By day four, my self esteem was near rock bottom,” Rodney says.   “I was tumbling into a deep, dark psychological spiral. ​ I starting hating my mother because she didn’t breast feed me.  I started resenting my father because he did breast feed me!”

       Several weeks have passed since the initial sexual encounter and now Rodney has an even more pressing concern. “Yup, so… my menstrual cycle is late.”