Last night, Rashad Blake, 32, was attacked while performing in the subway, by a velociraptor that was, reportedly,  wearing a Monopoly Man disguise.

           “I was really enjoying the string-less mandolin banjo tamborine performance of Bennie And The Jets, in A flat minor, when that velociraptor attacked that guy,” says, Silvia Miles, who witnessed the attack.

       Mr. Blake, who is well known for his virtuoso ability on the string-less mandolin banjo tamborine, has performed in the subway everyday for more than 30 years.  In fact, he has only missed 2 days in all that time.  Once on 9/11, and another day, when a local restaurant came out with all -you- can- eat unpopped popcorn, and Belgian Brussels waffle sprouts imported from Margaritaville. 

               “At first, I thought the attack was part of the performance,” says, Ms. Miles.  “I even put an extra $5 in his can… until the velociraptor tore both his hands off and took his can full of yellow, pink, and blue cash and waffle sprouts discount coupons.  After that, I felt the performance lacked spontaneity, focus, and depth.”

              Mr. Blake reportedly continued to play, despite having lost both of his hands.  He persevered even after rumours began to swirl about his performance being lip synced.  Subway Law Enforcement Officers were quickly on the scene and attempted to arrest the velociraptor.   Not for attacking Mr. Blake, but for jumping the turnstile and not paying for a subway ticket.

            “Subway performers come a dime a dozen, but turnstile jumpers, like peddlers who sell watches made from cantaloupe rinds, are the greatest impediment to a fiscally sound and egalitarian society the world has ever faced,”  says, Andy Donaldson, a subway peddler… who sells watches made out of cantaloupes rinds.

            The velociraptor eluded capture and was last seen heading uptown on the M- Train towards Broadway.  Authorities believe that this is the same velociraptor that has been on a spree of carnage, attacking a grandmother, an Amish farmer, and a pimp over the last several months.  The velociraptor is wanted on a litany of charges including, assault, turnstile jumping, robbery, interrupting a song before the bridge and identity theft.