Gloria Stuckle, 38, has officially been deemed the only person in history to confess a love of jury duty.

         “I love it because I get to see free movies,” she says, enthusiastically.

        Never mind the fact that the movies shown in the jury assembly rooms are all at least a decade old.

      “Where else can you get paid $15 a day to watch the first X- Men movie, the first Harry Potter or any one of the Tyler Perry cinematic masterpieces, all in one day?” she says.  The thought of it all almost rendering an orgasmic response within her.

      And as to the paltry payment for jury duty of $15 a day, Ms. Stuckle stays positive.  “Sure, parking for the day is $25, and lunch is $15, which puts me in the red. Not to mention that I’m losing a whole day’s pay from work, but it’s worth it.”  And then she gets slightly metaphysical. “Can you really put a price on the experience of watching a Tyler Perry movie in a room full of people who’d rather pour battery acid under their eyelids, then be in here?”

            She squirms in discomfort, remaining upbeat. “Sure, sitting in the jury assembly room in these IKEA lawn chairs all day has aggravated my hemorrhoids to the point that the throbbing inflammation feels like the volcano, Mount Vesuvius, has erupted inside my ass.  And sure, sitting around all day in what some may consider purgatory… but on a weekday… has made the thrombosis and varicose veins in my legs worse.”  She rolls up her pant legs, peeks, continues.  “Right now they look like giant, green worms pushing up against an over-crowded, translucent, circus tent.”

       And as she continues to wait to be called up to the courtroom to be placed as a potential juror, the movie, The Blind Side is ending.   Another movie begins to play. Its’ a Tyler Perry joint!  Ms. Stuckle moans and appears to have reached judicial climax. She excuses herself and heads to the ladies room to address two types of eruptions.