Yesterday, a robot who is known as Bento, underwent a vasectomy at the WormHole Square General Hospital.

                        “It’s the first cybernetic procedure of its kind,” says surgeon, robotic engineer, and Siri translator,  Ben Underwood.   “I’ve never operated on a robot before.  Last year, I performed a vasectomy on a patient who had two knee replacements, a pacemaker, and sounded like Samuel L. Jackson on a shit-ton of weed when he talked, but nothing like this.”

            On why he had the procedure done, Bento was straight to the point.

                   “I don’t like kids.   Everything about children is impractical to me,” Bento says.   “They’re too small to ride on roller coasters.   They can’t make an omelete without the aid of a wire whip and a step stool.  In addition, their belly buttons are filled with an inordinate amount of lint versus their total body mass and weight.”

          Doctors, robotic engineers, and Las Vegas bookmakers say the chances of Bento impregnating a woman or the equivalent mechanical device is below .000000001 percent.

               “Yo, a 99 year old squirrel, who rode a unicycle all his life and lost his nuts in a barbed wire fence jumping accident, has a better chance of impregnating someone than Bento,” said bookie, Sid Calderone.

            However, Bento doesn’t want to take any chances.

            “In the past I’ve applied various male, birth control devices,” says Bento.  “It has included using latex condoms insulated with foil, and tropical fish net filters.  And spermicides imbibed with blackboard chalk dust.”   Bento thinks, continues.  “Additionally, during sexual articulation, I am currently programmed to pullout one hour and eight minutes before I reach stimulus projection and… I only have sex with post menopausal women and vending machines manufactured before 1981.  Something about those expired bags of snacks loaded with hydrogenated cottonseed oil.”

                 A vasectomy involves cutting and tieing two tubes called the Vas Deferens, which blocks sperm from getting into semen.

               “We disabled and modulated one of Bento’s piezo motors, altered a few electroactive polymers and installed ligatures on select scrotum-related, elastic nanotubes,” said Dr. Underwood.  “Bento is good to go now.”

                   Bookie, Sid Calderone updated Bento’s official, technical, sexual status.

            “Yo, after this here procedure, a 99 year old squirrel, who rode a unicycle all his life to get to his job as an x-ray underwear machine tester, who then lost his nuts in a barbed wire jumping accident, who then remembered that he had a hellacious case of the mumps doing his post pubescent years,  even before he lost his nuts, now has a better chance of impregnating someone, and or, the equivalent mechanical device than Bento, the robot.”