Yesterday, a mime and a signer ( sign language expert ), squared off in a debate at the WormHole Square Auditorium.

                 “Actually, as of this time, we are still not sure who won the debate,” says moderator, Mariam Collins.

          The judges, who consisted of 3 New York City cab drivers and the entire cast of the movie, A Quiet Place, were still tallying the scores.  The topic of the debate was Free Speech: Absolute or Limits?  The mime argued that free speech should have no limits, and the signer argued that free speech is not absolute.

              In the audience and supporting the mime, were French cinema buffs and Charlie Chaplin’s uncle, Otis Chaplin, who works part-time in a library as a shusher.  And supporting the signer were retired bell tower workers, the guy from Slingblade,  a third base – baseball coach, and several members of the regional Rock, Paper, Scissors championship team.

            Ms. Collins refers to her notes on an index card and proceeds to replay key moments of the debate.

                  “So… the signer opened with… Free speech is not absolute, and quoted the 1919 case of Schenck v. United States, where Holmes argued that… You can’t yell fire in a crowded theatre and cause a panic.  Points awarded!  However, the signer quickly lost points by incorrectly crediting Sherlock Holmes and/or Larry Holmes with the quote.  In addition, all of the judges agreed that it was okay to yell whatever is necessary to clear the theatre during any Michael Bay, or Tyler Perry, directed movie.”

             Ms. Collins shuffles to a new index card, continues.  “And then the mime countered and jujitsu-ed with … Why then, is showing a movie permitted inside a fire station?”  

                 Ms. Collins taps the side of her right temple three times with her index finger, continues.  “Points awarded!”   She goes on.

               ” The mime then cited the 1969 case of Brandenburg v. United States, which basically overturned the Schenck case.  But, the mime lost points here because several judges disagreed and  believed that free speech is not possible during a 69′.”