The legendary Lost Dryer Sock has reportedly been seen riding on a dog sled during the annual Iditarod race in Alaska.

                   “I was sitting on my front porch eating a slice of pizza when I saw the sock,” said Alaska resident, Lance Dizzletree.  “The pizza was cold as I recall.  And for the record, I don’t recommend Dominos delivery during a blizzard in subzero temperatures.  And tipping the driver the standard 18% is optional under these conditions, I would add.”

           Dizzletree smiles broadly, continues.   “I last saw the sock, a tan, cotton, calf-height, crew sock, about 20 years ago, right before I competed in the Anchorage Bi-Polar Polar Bear Arm Wrestling Tournament.”   Dizzletree frowns, continues.  “I was a semi-finalist.  I was vanquished by a polar bear named, Clyde Turner, in the semis.  Clyde had a proclivity for Neutrogena hand lotion and humming dirges by candlelight, as I recall.”  Dizzletree shakes off the memory, continues.  “So, through my binoculars, I see the sock along with the other mushers and dogs, sledding up the Rainy Pass, across rim of the Bering Sea, through King’s Landing, on to Winterfell, and then through the New Jersey Turnpike.“

                And that is when Dizzletree’s account becomes fuzzy.  He rubs his brow as if to sharpen his recall.

               “So… now all the mushers are heading towards the home stretch, which is in Nome.  The Lost Dryer Sock is somewhere in the middle of the pack.  And then… POW!”

              That’s when the Lost Dryer Sock’s sled reportedly hit a pedestrian walking on the race course.  The sled then tumbled down a hill slope.

                 “No one has seen the sock since then,” Dizzletree adds. But, you know who I did see?  Clyde Turner.  He was the dumbass pedestrian hit on the race course.  Through my binoculars I can see Clyde laying in the snow, critically injured… and he’s looking at me through a pair of binoculars of his own.   And over the crunching, teeth shattering sound of me chewing a slice of pizza, which is frozen by now, I can faintly hear Clyde humming a dirge.”  Dizzletree holds back some conflicted sorrow, continues.  “Clyde then points directly at me… right before his lights went out.”

                 The Lost Dryer Sock has not been seen since.