Total Eclipse Of The Eyes ( Part 2 )
MW, COURTNEY, BENTO, and ZERACODY sit, pondering the news that fish eggs have been laid in Courtney’s eyes.
BENTO: You okay, Courtney? You don’t look so good.
MW: Yeah, your left eye is twitching and bubbling like crazy.
ZERACODY: Could be allergies.
BENTO: Courtney, are your eyes allergic to fish eggs?
COURTNEY: Not to my knowledge. I mean – prior to now, the only thing my eyes have had a reaction to is… paprika, wet sand, and smoke from a toaster hosting burnt focaccia bread.
MW: Oh, burnt focaccia bread is the ultimate eye irritant! Who are you telling?!
BENTO: Wet sand in the eyes is no picnic either.
ZERACODY: Which is ironic, because you’re most likely to encounter wet sand whilst on a picnic.
MW: But nobody goes on a picnic if it’s raining.
MW, Bento, and Zeracody continue contemplating eye irritants while Courtney’s left eye continues to twitch and bubble. And then…
MW: Now a twenty pound bass has got to be the ultimate eye irritant!
BENTO: I think you’re in trouble, Courtney!
COURTNEY: You’re right, I don’t have a fishing license.
BENTO: No, I mean…
ZERACODY: It seems to me that the long term implications of Courtney’s contemporary predicament have been lost in the moment.
MW: What do you mean?
ZERACODY: Well… right now Courtney’s got a rather sizeable bass protruding from his left eye.
BENTO: Right… and it’s flapping around like one of those blow up advertisement character balloons in front of a used car dealership.
MW: And… frankly I’m in no mood to buy a used car after seeing something like this… or anything else for that matter?
BENTO: What about a can of tuna?
MW: Well, maybe a can of tuna. But beware of the mercury consumption!
ZERACODY: Which clearly you two have had too much of.
BENTO: And your point, Zeracody?
ZERACODY: My point… ( gestures to Courtney ). Well… is Courtney destined to live the rest of his life as a pirate, or cyclops, or some other type of monocled fool? That’s the question we need to be asking right now.
COURTNEY: ( distressfully ) No, what we need to be asking… ugh… ugh…. is how much is the fine for fishing without a license… which I do not have. I thought I made that clear. Are you guys even listening to me?!
BENTO: Yeah, Bro, we’re listening.
Suddenly the bass disengages from Courtney’s left eye, flops along the grass, and jumps into a nearby stream. Courtney calmly sits back on the bench, blinks his left eye rapidly, then takes a long, deep breath.
COURTNEY: Oh my God, that’s a relief!
BENTO: Yeah, no more bass in the eye.
COURTNEY: No more fishing fines.
ZERACODY: Let this be a lesson to you, Courtney. Never look at a solar eclipse without eye protection.
COURTNEY: Right. ( thinks ) You know… I heard somewhere that wrapping condoms around your glasses makes for excellent eye protection.
THEND